It’s my job to speak up (so why didn’t I?)

Macy, a human rights activist, recounts a painful experience she had during a dinner party. “I hardly knew these people, but they had kindly invited me to join. Halfway through the evening, several of them started making racist and homophobic comments, like it was nothing. I froze, and kept quiet.

That night in bed, I felt terrible. It was like I’d supported the far right. I had failed the communities I love and fight for…”.

When you hear something that disturbs your ethical compass, it’s not always obvious what to do next. Speaking up could not go well for you. On the other hand, you feel you should, because that’s who you are.

So what do you do?

There is no straightforward answer, but there is a good response. And it starts with understanding why this is so painful for you. First of all, just like your job or family, working for societal change is a part of your identity. When we ignore or betray that identity, it hurts. Harm to your body causes physical pain; harm to your sense of self causes emotional pain.

Secondly, there is a reason you didn’t act. Perhaps you felt unsafe. Perhaps you were conditioned to keep your opinion to yourself. But this is what you do know: not saying anything in that moment, says nothing about how much you care.

Living in an imperfect world means we can’t always be the perfect changemaker. Becoming more aware of your inner life, and practicing self-compassion, will make it easier to reflect on what you would like to do next time it happens. And what you need to support that action.

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Want more compassion for yourself and others? I offer a free exploration session for people dedicated to positive social impact. You can register for one here.